History buffs (like Olse) remind me that they’ve played in two testimonial events to mark the finality of my playing days - once in 2014 against HKFC on a Thursday evening and once at the Fat Boy Tens in 2021 prior to my Hong Kong exit.

The prospect of playing against HKFC with ye old Knackered Nags as part of the Valley 50th Anniversary celebrations was simply too good to miss out on. At the age of 55, this seemed like madness to my mates at home in NZ and also to many of the other cowards who refused to pull the boots on.

There’s no point in naming them all but I’ll have a try anyway because it’s roll call of HK rugby legends, now fearful cowards.

Stuart “Moose” Krohn, Lusiano “Looch” Afeaki, Stu “Sausages” Denton, Mark “MC” Cameron, Colin “Kidneys” Olsen, Tobias “Bit of hush please” Bland, Tom Hall, Ben Harris, Juddy Temara, Roddy Macintosh, Sean Murphy, Brent Edwards, Andrew WongKee, Brian Higgins, Nick Hewson, Tom Broughton, Ryan Meacham, Adam Stewart, Semi Iafeta, Pieter Schats, JK Jok, … the list goes on - almost a full team of backbones.

To be fair, it was around 35 degrees at 10:30am for the kick off and I had spent two heavy nights getting bullied at Amazonia til the wee hours and I had done zero physical training for years and everybody was convinced that I’d pop a knee, hammy or shoulder. But against all odds (and with the help of 50 other valiant old bastards and rolling subs), I dared to dream, took the field for two spells, was flattened and the wind forced out of me, lost several layers of skin on all elbows and knees and revelled in that marvellous feeling and comradery of just being out there with your oldest and dearest mates. Waking up stuck to the bedsheets was a long forgotten phenomenon and I do apologise to the Shangri-La for the soiled sheets.

The game was played in great spirits and the right result was achieved: Valley Knackered Nags 47 - 26 HKFC.

Our side was bolstered by the likes of Matt Philips and Rob Grindlay who look fitter and stronger now than when they played Premiership code in the 90’s/00’s. Timmy Alexander at scrumhalf wound back the years and Welly the Welshman from the class of ‘96.

Aside from the odd loss of skin and several sunburnt bald heads, the casualty rate was surprisingly nil. Quite extraordinary considering the cattle on display.

With the blowing of the final whistle, focus and excitement turned to the showers and the prospect of a souvenir towel from the club. Jugs of cold lager were circulated and the lies started to flow soon after with Matt Philips leading the charge of embellished accounts of his own performance and his uncontained disappointment of the efforts from the rest of us.

We did narrowly lose the boat race unfortunately with Bland, Murphy, Cameron, Denton and Hamilton falling just short of the W but not of a scathing 1-star review from Philips whose very high standards could not be met.

A big thanks to HKFC for being such good bastards by putting a team together, providing 500 beers for us to take to watch the Valley prems match and for playing a part in our clubs big weekend of celebrations.

A bigger thanks for the likes of Brooksie, Brett, Alex, Pat and everyone else who made the fixture become reality. The kit looked great and we now have a new chapter of stories to add the same old yarns that we’ve been circulating since our last playing days. That is gold.

I am glad to report that the Force is still strong in the ranks of Valley’s early settlers and I hope we can continue to gather strongly in the coming years, from time to time to spend quality time in each other’s company with a beverage in hand.

Until then, I am scuttling back home to NZ - my heart full and library of yarns enriched.

Grant “Boozer” Beuzeval
Lifer