Forget HK Stadium, the real exhibition game was Valley Nags at KP…

12…13…14 players….. and at 7:20 PM for a 7:30 PM kick off, our new captain, Brooksie decided to make his mark on the beginning on a new season by leaving it to the last minute to show up. This “Second rate Boozer” as he was described by a player I won’t name, is our new leader for the season, willfully jumping to the occasion when the torch was handed over by the departed Kiwi legend.

Conditions in King’s Park were perfect for the Valley Nags 2021 champions of geriatric rugby to take the pitch against a Sandy Bay side which was also in the process of counting its players. Having been decided in advance that it would be no push scrums, we suddenly saw many more props volunteer than usual.

The game started strong and had the usual lull after he first 3 phases of play, both teams asking themselves three questions: why did they sign up for a new season again? If training would have been a better idea? And asking the ref how much time left.
With a team led by a large Mav’s contingent of fitness was radiating through this team. After a good passage of 20 minutes warming up the hands of our backs with knock-ons, Valley finally succumbed to a 5 m charge by a Sandman with a tshirt so tight and sweaty he belonged in the Blue oyster Bar.

Down 0-7.

Few minutes later, following a dominance in the pick and go for Nags, our very own low center of gravity Tony ‘Merica crossed over the line to put us back to 5-0. As I stepped to go for the drop goal conversion, I felt a mental encouragement from all boys on the pitch with BMI over 30 :” C’mon you French bastard, do this for the fat boys, ovaaaaaa” a Boris the Hammer moment without the viral load.

Half time. 7 - 7.

Now if there is something Brooksie is fast becoming famous for it is his half time speeches. Last year featured a rousing speech whilst playing The Old Bill; this year for keeping up with the image, we had a “let’s just calm down and make pods of two” … And as you will see, it bloody worked.
Kick off, pods or two, pods of two pods of two, we are running out of pods of two, pods of one…. But so was the opposition, after 6 minutes of the ball passing through nearly all our team’s hands, a gap opened and Pat, like a born-again virgin after 21 years without a try for Valley crossed the tryline.

12-7 Valley, I hit the conversion but didn’t realize the posts were moved to the left.

In the ensuing chaos, we start seeing massive charges of the weakened rhinos, Jamie on the wing pretending to not look like a #8, both props, led by a ever youthful Nick C at #9, voice rasp like a Rod Stewart post concert, egging them on.
In the back line Wes, back from a 9 year hamstring injury, backed up by Arthur and his pace and Thibault and his perpetual offside position in the center, ensured that our defense was water tight during these defensively-porous times of chaos. Arthur deserves special mention for making at least three match saving tackles!

After the ref explained that you are allowed to fend a player in the face and having a test run of this new learned rule, we push back an all out final assault of Sandy Bay on our 5 meter line, ball ends up in my hand and gets booted as far as I can. Result is a first ever 50:20 kick in a senior game in HK… and of course I promptly behave like it was all planned and on purpose.

From this position of strength, we then see a giant rolling maul from the lineout, and as 3 players are thinking they scored off this, Jamie decides to take matters in his own hands and the menace from Scotland crosses the line to complete his reign of heavy terror on the right wing.
Once again someone move the bloody posts as my on-target kick is in midair, and the score settles at
17-7 for the mighty Valley Nags.

Cold celebratory beers were drunk after the game and into the night; both teams entering the spirit of Vet’s rugby had a fines session (where Sandy Bay #9 was fined heavily for leaving the pitch for 15 minutes to take a poo mid-match).

Roll on January for the official start to the Vet’s league