Griffins 31 - 15 DEA

Keep rollin’ rollin’ rollin’rollin’ – “you can’t mess with Limp Bizkit cos we get it on every day and every night” so said Fred Durst the Biz’ angry little front man. Well “you can’t mess with the Griff”s” so said our very own angry little front man Weasel. Here we were looking to back up last week’s win with a victory against the unknown quantity of DEA which apparently stands for Does Enjoy Ar$e. With a strong starting line up that included a fit again Boris the Bishop Basher at hooker we tried to recreate the previous week’s warm up intensity and let Boris watch as we went through our paces – fearful that the sight of grown men breaking a sweat might cause him to get injured in a freak erection accident. It was a great turnout from all the boys except Notch who was recovering from a particularly nasty love bite gained the week before. He has our well wishes because a Griff’s side without Notch just feels like a date with your good lookin’ cousin – you hope you can get away with it but you know that it just don’t feel right.

The first half was one that saw our pack go toe to toe with theirs – a tenacious scrapping bunch who fair play to them were not intimidated by the infinitely better looking Griffs. The boys set a good steady platform – forcing them backwards until the inevitable penalty came – and no I don’t mean from Weasel! Snakehips casually slotted it 3-0 to the G Units. There followed a lot of trading tit for tat breaks and whilst a little scrappy at least we started to run more than one phase at a time. They came back with a penalty of their own 3-3 but the lead was restored shortly after by Dom as they failed to cope with our pack yet again 6-3 and half time couldn’t come quickly enough for their forwards who were taking a whuppin’ Credit here must go to the Waffmeister who in only his first season has become a prop and learned how to count to ten which should help him in Manila this year after last year’s debacle! The guy has happily embraced neck ache and height reduction for the good of his team and for Paddy’s cash incentives. Shotgun once again showed why he am de man and Boris gave glimpses of what is yet to come as he slims down to have a crack at the 20 second 100m barrier. The engine room of Spudgun and Nacho kept it steady and showed they were aiming to forge a partnership equal to that legendary Dutch duo “Gunslinger and Van Helsing.” Private came on for an injured Nacho and many of the DEA guys complained about him blocking out the sun. Oh how we all used to feel when the opposition brought on some big ba$tard – what goes around comes around. A back row of youth and experience – both of which words I’d use to describe our starting Ma Jais Forrest “Bubbagump.” Sean “when I said triathlon I meant cycling to the resident’s club running through the changing rooms to the Jacuzzi” A and Paddy “I’m Charlie Brough’s Shoulder double” Shepherd kept hitting the fringes and clearing out well.

Our first half back line performance was one of what might have beens – much better lines run this week in the centres but still not enough ball getting wide or perhaps enough depth coming on to the ball but the potential of these guys is huge – a work in progress for sure but one that is slowly clicking and definitely going in the right direction. Better communication was what we needed and little did we know how good that communication was going to get! Woody Woodpecker Ma Jais once again running 50m to put in a try saving tackle and rightfully earning his place in the starting line up. We all know Bernie can gas the best of them so we just have to channel that pace in attack and get him in some space and watch him scorch the turf or plastic depending on where we’re playing. “Safe hands” Tomlinson was playing at 15 today after The Kaiser threatened to join Tai Po Dragons as an import. He played face first as usual and was great at covering the pitch and narrowing the angles.

So half time came and went – we made a few changes – after taking a 9-3 lead through Snakehips trusty boot – The Kaiser came on and rather unselfishly Weasel too came off and brought Eddy “Rocket” MaJais on. Recon Tom made way for Dazzla who’s pushing a claim for being the Boris of the Backs – a great physical presence and a boyish smile that belies a very dark secret. Shoulders Shepherd swapped to bring on AJ “no backward steps Tang” and Robert “Slim Shady” MaJais came on for BubbaGump. After more good work from our pack driving them back 15m AJ picked up from the base and legged it to touch down in the corner 14-3 – AJ my friend you are more than welcome to play for the Griffs if you feel the Tang’s are holding you back  Mention must also go to Tim “Buffcake” who has become the Griffs token fitness talisman taking over from Beefcake. He has a bright future if we can get a shirt that fits! More good forward work lead to Kevin feeding great quick ball to the Kaiser who tripped the light fandango on his way to the line touching down by the posts with Snakehips slotting another conversion 21-3. More changes as Ben “The Shermanator” Ma Jais swapped for Sean A and Andy “size 8 in a girl’s top” Ma Jais swapped for Bernie. The Waffmeister had also done his bit and Fai Man “foe fum I smell the blood of an Englishman” Mai Jais came on in the front row. DEA sparked a bit of a revival with their 150kg prop singling out a 35kg Andy and making him one with the ground. Andy did a very good Tom & Jerry cartoon move like Tom would after being run over by a steam roller as he regained his natural shape. Our lead was 21-8. “Recon” Tom came off and Salsa put his kite down long enough to take the pitch whilst Seb “Everybody Wang” Cheung came on for an injured Andy.

Once again our pack rallied and after stomping deep into their half we fed the Kaiser good ball again and he twinkle toed his way around the opposition to score under the shadow of the corner flag the lazy sod making Snakehips really work for his money. The conversion sailed close to the dead ball line without troubling the posts ha and we were 26-8 up. With DEAs players dropping fast their Coach wanted to throw in the towel and concede as they were down to 14 players but as we didn’t yet have the bonus point we passed it up. Yep read that bit again – we didn’t take the easy win because we were going for the bonus point win – the fukking Griffs and a bonus point win?! Are you sh!tting me?! Nope – a throw back to the good old days was due. However from the ensuing scrum DEA kicked into touch then a strange thing happened - DEA throw in quickly even though everybody apart from the referee knows the throw in should be for the Griffins but the ball bobbles into the middle of park and a DEA player picks up and runs through and scores much to the bemusement of everybody whilst he pi$$es himself laughing and then worries about getting fined for hat trick avoidance. 26-15.

The Griffins are suitably unimpressed and from the kick off get the ball back and from the halfway line Kevin goes blind again pops to Charlie who with several fox trots a cha cha cha and a moonwalk with a bit of 80’s robot steps and beats 4 defenders and puts down in the corner. So let’s look at The Kaiser’s achievement – 3 tries in one half – enough to have been our top scorer last year! Samy has already been on the phone to him but he steadfastly refused the opportunity to join up with the Blockade merchants – Charlie said he thought it was a wind up by someone doing an impression of Inspector Cluseau “ I have rhume fer ewe een zer Bronkoes” Snakehips tries an audacious drop goal conversion which sails just wide. Referee blows up everyone cheers as Griffs get the bonus point and DEA cheer because there is no more punishment coming their way.

Man of the Season Points
Charlie 3 (hat trick what can you say)
Kevin 2 – awesome scrum half work with lots of blindside breaks and setup two tries
AJ 1 – made such a difference when he came on especially breaking from the scrum

Honorable mentions
Woody saved a certain try when it was still 3-3
All the forwards for the way they destroyed their scrum and getting quick ruck ball
Dom good kicking again from hand and for Goal and only missed the conversions because everyone was so shocked to have crossed the line that they just flopped down in the corner
Ryan – getting angrier each week – maybe we should give him a nipple cripple just before the start of each game!

Guido actually made it to the ground in a cab but was in so much pain that he returned home. This is a guy who recently (Monday) had a major knee op. yet still wanted to show his support for the team. That pretty much says it all about the camaraderie that he’s been so important in building in the Year of our Griffs PF (Post Frenchies) He won’t be able to play the game ever again so let’s try and make sure we don’t just throw our own opportunities away during the rest of the season. When you see him around make sure you spot him a beer or two and if he doesn’t want them give them to me!

And yes you’re right I was in China when you played this game but thought I’d have a crack at writing it up anyway…

December 6th after Police game get changed into your super hero / super villain outfits – I have heard that the judge will view costume avoidance as a particularly heinous crime and he will rule without mercy.