Griffins 30 - 0 SCAA Causeway Bay Marines

Upon arrival at Aberdeen several members of the squad were greeted to the sight of an extremely fit looking, well drilled squad running through plays at break-neck speed. Despite several comments of bravado along the lines of “piece of cake boys” and “lets see him do that upside down”, a collective sigh of relief went around as this squad of rugby Goliaths took their leave to be replaced by a far more ‘Griff-friendly-looking’ squad. This air of relief may go someway to explaining what was to follow by way of a warm-up. To call it a shambles would be kind. More balls dropped than a boys’ choir, it seemed at times that most did not know their arse from their elbow, never mind what they were supposed to be doing on a rugby pitch. With Sergeant Tony’s stern dressing down still ringing in the ears, the Griffs lined up for kick off not knowing entirely what to expect.

The referee’s whistle however seemed to awaken a new beast within the Griffens, with the first 15 minutes being spent camped within the opposition’s 22. Winton, among others, had clearly had his Ready Brekkie that morning as he took great pleasure in continually bulldozing his way through small Asian men. (Why in the second half he developed a winger’s mentality and attempted to run around someone, simply ending up off the pitch is anyone’s guess) In spite of the Griffs early domination a combination of ill-discipline and some questionable referring meant we only had 3 points to show for our efforts. The first try however came following a valiant chase and hack through from Ross. Bald Dom, in good support, saw glory beckoning with the ball bobbling over the try line. All he had to do was avoid Ross and gather the ball. Now bald Dom is a fine athlete in his own right, however I am sure he would be the first to admit he is no Linford Christie. Faced with the decision of going around Ross or hurdling him, he chose the latter. In his own words, “My trail leg let me down”. The result: an unceremonious meeting of face and turf. Fortunately it was not to matter as the ball was quickly turned over and Brent took great delight in powering through the hapless full back to make it 8 – 0 Griffs. A second try quickly followed with a moment of champagne rugby, as Freddie burst on to a pass to saunter casually under the posts. 15 – 0 Griffs at the water break.

The second quarter was a largely dull affair with errors and a return of indiscipline costing us whenever some promising phases had been put together. The Griffs turned around at halftime happy with their work but the ever commanding Sergeant Tony demanded far more. His war cries were to be answered almost instantly when following good hands, shown by forwards and backs alike, Recon, showed what suspiciously looked like a burst of pace. Following a judges’ enquiry into the matter afterwards this was later confirmed as Recon trying simply to maintain his balance whilst gathering in the ball. In either case the result was the same, another 5 pointer for the Griffs. We now come to the reason the author is writing this report. Following a fine break, I found myself in acres of space and the posts beckoning. With captain Dom’s words of encouragement for a drop goal attempt still fresh in my ears there was only one thing for it. Ironically, it was the best struck kick of the day. Unfortunately however, (and unbeknown to me at the time, ahem….) the whistle had been blown a good 10 seconds before, perhaps somewhat explaining the ease of the break. The ensuing break in play whilst someone went to fetch the match ball was met with comments of “cocky ginger tw@t” from the opposition whilst the entire Griffin front five looked nothing but grateful for the respite.

Still searching for the fourth try bonus point, the Griffin pack really stepped it up in the final 20 minutes. A series of powerful mauls resulted in captain Dom barging his way over the line. The pack and Dom then swiftly repeated this trick to add a fifth. Upon realizing that he had in fact crossed the line and scored his second try of the game, our courageous captain promptly removed himself from the game, lest he should be faced with the opportunity of a hat-trick. Surely a dangerous ploy given the impending court session? Chief snitch Recon duly took note.

Within the fourth quarter two further events took place that deserve note. The first came about when Two Names Dave, owner of surely the longest ever thigh strain in the history of the game, shouted from the sidelines: “Craig, you’ve got two minutes, I want to see you explode!” Furtive glances were exchanged between players unsure of exactly what this would entail, especially where Father Craig was concerned. None of us however expected what then took place. Like a possessed Canadian lumberjack, Father Craig set about felling anything within a 5 metre radius of him. He was also heavily involved within the final scene which saw Ian take his leave of both the match and the Griffins.

Following mild, at worst, provocation, one of the opposition’s back-row decided he’d had enough of cocky half-backs. Upon seeing the assault launched upon his vulnerable half-back, Ian commendably sprinted a good 20 metres or so to defend him. Whilst his bravery and desire to back his mates up are highly admirable, what he produced by way of a punch was considerably less so. Softer than an Andrex puppy, the recipient of said punch later confirmed its feebleness. The post-match Typhoon analysts all agreed that all of the elements (angle, surprise and so forth) were in Ian’s favour. As such, the agreed minimum acceptable outcome should have been a sitting down of the opposition player. Despite the wetness of Ian’s attempted punch, the opposition deemed it sufficient for a scrap. In the ensuing mêlée, 20 or so guys were involved but in truth it was little more than handbags. Round 2 however was inadvertently started by Ross, casually strolling in from his wing to see what all of the fuss was about. In a case of mistaken identity (or so Ross claims) he was unwittingly accused of “stamping on my mate’s head”. Nearby Brent gave a fine performance of Scrappy ‘Let me at them Uncle Scoob’ Doo, with bald Dom playing the supporting role of uncle Scoob well in restraining Brent’s natural South African instincts.

To end on a slightly more serious note, whilst fighting on the pitch should never be condoned, it is a real asset of this team to know that when the sh!t hits the fan, your mates will have your back. All in all it was a very good and professional performance, not just from those mentioned, but from all who turned up. The camaraderie on and off the pitch goes from strength to strength and it is being shown in the results. We move on to Kowloon next week which will be another step up, but with the commitment shown and the quality in this squad we should certainly be fearing nobody. Get yourselves down to training on Thursday where possible and let’s continue this assault on the league. With the talent within this Griffens squad, winning the championship final has to be the ultimate goal of this season. Bring it on!