Griffins 8 - 20 HKFC

After Saturday’s game I have to say it felt like a disappointing first date with the girl you’d been after for ages. You’d bought the new shirt – had the racing sardine haircut tapered to a duck’s ar$e finish at the back, brushed your teeth 3 times and cupped your breath in to your hand last thing before going out of the house. You’d splashed the Old Spice or Brut on the face and just above the pant moustache in case you got lucky and you’d even ironed the creases out of your jeans – this was going to be the date where you get lucky and yet for some reason it’s first base only and all other attempts are repelled – the only thing you’re sniffing off your fingers is the smell of what might have been.
BUT you get the promise of another date so there is always hope…

And that’s probably a fair commentary on our season so far - I think that we are almost there – every week we threaten to put in a complete performance but something just doesn’t quite click – and yes part of it has probably been down to changes in the line up – front row and me subbing the backline – (I’m just trying to get people some game time so please hang in there as we settle down – I know it’s frustrating
sometimes.) Once again this week at Scum we were there primed with probably our strongest starting front row yet – Pat “Monster Truck” Sammy “Inspector Clouseau” and Ken “Are you not eating that?” Ma Jais proved solid under Scum pressure and it has to be said that Pat has never had a bad game in a Griffin’s shirt – always dependable. Sammy was fearless in the loose – he has to be the quickest hooker seen at Valley since Big Sweaty’s latest date thought he’d given her a 2 dollar tip only to find him chasing her down the road for his change. Ken showed that despite his relative lack of experience he could hold his own against a guy who’d been propping for about 16 years.

Sean “The Silent Assassin” A and Arthur “The only reason I don’t own you’re a$$ is because I didn’t want to buy it” Van Djik played as good as they have done this season – fronting up in the loose and helping steady the scrum. On the back row it was Wease, Tombraider and Beefcake dishing out their own particular brand of punishment – Beefcake is starting to really pick up the basics of the glorious game and Tombraider is showing why come January he will be greatly missed – echoes of Les Griff’s Etienne can be seen both on and off the pitch. Wease consistently shows that he will put his body on the line, face first if possible, for the Valley cause.

JP “But you said size doesn’t matter” started at scrum half but obviously owed Boyo Parsons some money judging by some of the passes he was throwing him. With no Snake Hips this week (he is away on a men only Salsa weekend)Boyo was joined at inside centre by Tavs “I got my hand off from my momma” who will be sadly missed as he departs for pastures new. After we went 5-0 down to a soft try where we gave them a 12 man overlap Tav capped off some silky champagne rugby with a glorious try that beat last week’s record 28 phases as we recycled the ball at least 40 times for him to crash over leaving Scum bodies strewn in his wake. Unfortunately Deadeye Beefcake failed to convert and you could hear the gasps from Jockey Club as a number of them had a stack of cash on the dead cert that is his right peg… In sympathy with Garfield I decided to dye my Mo ginger and it seemed to galvanize him to greater efforts as he provided a good option at 13. Alex “Le Dominatrix” D keeps turning in silky runs at 11 – I’m thinking of making non matching knee bandages compulsory for all players – he keeps finding space when none seems apparent. Bernie “Pedal to the Metal” was back at 15 and always beat the first man – he is just too damn fast for us to support sometimes! On the other wing we had a new comer – a Valley Fort player by the name of Luke “Ice Cream Man” Berry – normally a flanker who following some timely prompting from Sean (thanks
mate) we moved to the flank in a switch with “Face Man” Weasel. Even though he had more stubble from one day of not shaving than JC has to show for a week, Luke piled in like a seasoned pro – fearless, fast and fearless again (put another good “f” word in there cos that’s what he
was) He was often first to the breakdown and showed that as with last year the Fort players can easily mix it with the higher grades – he had a great game – completely tireless in defence and more than equal to the task in attack. And for this effort the Man of the Match award goes to the Ice Man. Another Fort player – Tom also turned out for us so thanks for that – heard the Tangs game went well! Scum kicked a penalty before half time to lead 8-5.

Second half saw some changes with The Kaiser initially coming on for The Dominatrix and the Sly Sporran coming on to the other wing for Face Man.
Bernie lost a contact lens which meant that his left leg couldn’t keep up with his right leg so we moved Tidger Partington to his old position of full back but not before he threw his last pass to Boyo at 10, to Weasel on the wing! Brooksy “ I was born ready” came on at scrum half and instantly made an impact – at times playing like an openside flanker who’s sister was being nailed by a member of the opposition – a good half for him and we appreciate him stepping in for the day. It was only a matter of time before Garfield ran out of gas but at least he didn’t get forced off by injury - again the crowd from Jockey club could be heard lamenting their other back up bet going to sh!t. Darren “What you lookin’ at sucker?!” O’Brien came on at outside centre and showed that when given space and time and very little opposition he can break with the best of them – there were a few Scum players that came off worse when O’B opened up a can of whupass on them. Rob and Leo backed us up from the Broncos side again – great work rate from them both and they are always a welcome sight in a Griffs shirt despite Leo’s so called beard prompting the Scum security guard to deny him entrance for looking like a hobo pikey gypo. However our restructured team could do little to stop Scum’s own ginger prince using our “euuugh but I might catch ginger if I touch him” approach to defending against him. With their kicker proving he couldn’t hit a cow’s ar$e with a banjo we were still in with a shout but they finally put us away with another well worked try. Eddy came on at the end and despite being one of the smallest Ma Jais he hits like a pocket rocket.

And so to the moment of shame – the vicious unprovoked attack on a defenseless Scum player lying all over the ball for the umpteenth time - John “The Enforcer” Liptak self styled man of steel and BOA’s very own dealer in Punishment stocks was caught kicking someone like a girl – that he should be caught kicking, not striking or punching or even stamping was in itself worthy of the red card he received. The timing couldn’t have been worse though after The Sporran put in a fantastic run that left us 2metres short of their line. John’s counselor has recommended a course of expensive cigars and cheap shoes to see him through it. To be fair they were killing the ball all day and they got away with it all day so maybe we should take a lesson from them on how to play the ref.

So we lost 20-8 in the end but once again we were resolute in defence and fought hard. Communication seemed to let us down this time as we didn’t pull our defence across as quickly as we needed to but fundamentally we are still a threat to anyone in this league – one of the Scum said to me he couldn’t understand why they found it so hard against us when the other games were so easy by comparison – well that’s the Griffs for you – nobody likes playing us because we don’t give up! Tai Po this Saturday coming guys so stay off the pies and let’s show them what it’s like to be on the receiving end of some Biff.

Griffins Xmas do is scheduled for Saturday 1st December after the 7s pool games. Some scoff after the game and then unbridled drinking where we’ll have a little court session – the only suggestion I’ve had for a theme is Trannies or maybe it was a suggestion for entertainment from JP? With Weasel away for the week I need to know who’s available to play this Saturday? Email me ASAP with your availability for the game AND the Xmas do!

By Arrann Young