So, one forfeited game, nine improvised kits, 30 pre-match beers, one broken foot, one hamstring, 3 green cards, 3 goals from Valley Virgins (plus one courtesy of Rupert "Muff" Bolingbroke) and 9 Indian meals later, the New (dare I say "improved") Band of Mothers is finally off the starting blocks with a convincing 4-1 win on grass over "Recrieo E" (more realistically, Recrieo B) on Sunday.
It was a typical Mothers start to a campaign that promises to be among our most memorable. Planned pre-match shenanigans fell into disarray as alcohol-starved Mothers nabbed beers allocated for It's a Knockout-style fun (this will be back on the agenda soon), having suffered literally hours of abstinence post Saturday's rugby. That done, it was straight down to the real business of the day - pinning numbers on shirts (a special thanks goes out to Smithers for his sewing skills in preparing shirt numbers).
With nine players new to Valley, and on a grass pitch, the game itself had "potential for disaster" written all over it. In the event, the Es quickly found their stride. The match was distinguished by an early screamer from Dan Green (a goal Muff has been at pains ever since to point out, wasn't a goal. Muff also walked away with "most sporting moment". I SHALL be having words); your skipper's own hapless "Dougal" moment as he sent the ball bobbling into Valley's D for the equalizer; Simon M's comical back-stick efforts at left back in the first half, so bad they had half the team in fits of laughter that might easily have cost us a goal, and so earned him an early-season transfer to right back in the second half, where he excelled; Tom "de Man" de Mendonca's "bone sticking out of foot" fractured metatarsal incident five minutes into the season after standing on the ball (out for eight weeks. Good luck with the wife/holiday from us all Tom! Muff feels you might have shown a little TOO much Strength & Honour by staying on the pitch to see if you could run off the broken bone); ex-England, Australia and Indian international Miley Price's early departure with a hamstring (bad luck Miley, see you in November no doubt ... you should know better than to enter the fray without stretching at your age! ((did it myself last year)); James "Shallow" Smith's "running" (warming) of the bench, which - despite there being only one remaining sub - almost certainly saved us from a 7-0 drubbing; James "Unco" Barrett's swing, miss and rather effeminate pirouette at the post ("6.9" for artistic impression say the judges, but nonetheless disappointing following two goals in training - he did score TWO GOALS in training ... count them ... TWO GOALS ... in training); Martin "Judas" Haigh's HARD STARE at the umpire that earned him a green card (surely a red card offense if you've ever been on the end of one), and his highly unlikely lift into the D, captured by Hubble passing out of orbit early yesterday evening on course for Jupiter's moon Io, from where it will no doubt beam back live pictures of the volcanic satellite around Tuesday Teatime; Mitchell Houten's mother and father (lovely ... all credit for the win goes to you, Mum!); Garrick "Stripper" Merlo's ... erm ... strip, having been told under no circumstances to remove our shirts in view of patrons; No Show's ... er ... presence; Mike "Runaround" Reid's hitting and blocking; Greg Rawson's refusal to take seriously in any way his captain's "stay on the bench till I tell you otherwise and under no circumstances venture onto the pitch, or we may get disqualified" warning; Jason Bailey's "ant"-tics in goal (he knows what I mean); and Mark "The Coach" Kake's picking up of the Gary (No Show) Barnicott award so early in the season!
Am I missing anyone?
Guys, seriously, a very encouraging 4-1 start. On grass, it doesn't get much better than that. And there is some great spirit already. We're going to have a lot of fun this season and win a lot of games!